i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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