i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
