Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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