I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
