Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
