my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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