Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
