So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
