if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
