If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
