Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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