Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
