she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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