How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
