i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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