And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
