It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
