The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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