Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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