No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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