Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
