At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
