I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
