i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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