The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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