I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
