it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
