apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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