I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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