her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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