Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
