I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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