White coat. Heels.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
