My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
