I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
