I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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