I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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