can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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