I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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