Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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