the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
