Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
