my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
