Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
