that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
