Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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