dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
