Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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