My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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