I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
