He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
