She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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