Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
