Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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