apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
