I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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