She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
