Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
